I understand artists now. That is what I am. They capture a moment in time. I stopped doing that for a while. I tried to force my writing. It wasn’t me, so it meant nothing.
The best thing said to me as a child. Like at 13 years old. Maybe younger. I was told that I was a writer. That I should write my story. That I was a star and my story is something others would want.
Who the hell wants my life?
I’m just scratching the surface of my wants. My desires. I didn’t really know who I was until now. It is crazy getting to really know myself? Do other people have these moments? Is that just autistic people? We fight so hard just to survive. It takes a huge inner truth to reach for the stars, at least it did for me.
I didn’t know I had sensory issues until I built my tent. I took over the bottom of the bunkbed in my daughter’s play room. I wrapped it in a giant blackout blanket.
That is my safe place.
I have everything I need to create my ‘ART’. That is my writing, where me, is free...
It started with a tent. That has been such a huge thing for me. Something the outside world doesn’t see as a necessity, but absolutely is for me. That is where I write. In complete darkness. Fan running, headphones on, really free to be me.
My definition of art is odd. I find duct tape dresses art. I find autistic toy line up art. I find my husband bladesmithing art.
To me it’s all beautiful. I am an artist now, maybe I have always been because I do see beauty in the world. Even though I lived a life feeling like a ruin, crumbling more over time.
If an artist always sees beauty in the world, doesn’t that make an artist a beautiful person?
So what makes you happy? What strange needs do you have? That is what sets my art apart from others, truly being me.
I want to know you. I have spent my life in the dark. I am a thirty-three year old that can feel like a child wanting to know more.
I want to get to know all the other hidden super stars out there. You “odd balls”, you will always be rock stars to me.
I will be here whenever you need. I truly hope you find my inner truths insightful because until now I didn’t have my story to tell.
Be Au-thentic
Be You
For now, ThisIsMe
All my best and love
Jeni
An truly Au-thentic oddball
www.mylifeautistic.com
Words – Jeni Curtis
Photography – Jeni and Robert Curtis
Image is of a knife blade on a table hand crafted by bladesmith Robert Curtis