Jeni Dern
This is Me
This is Me. Crazy, silly, terrified, motivated, inspired me. I just want to make this a safer world for anyone struggling.
I see the beauty in everything. There is always a purpose and understanding, is the key to finding the positive.
Right now I feel like I'm decoding all the negatives in my life that I took as 100% fact.
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Being autistic gives me an innocent outlook at life. I personally do not understand how the average person makes it in life without being crippled by all the negatives in this world.
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In my life I need calm. I need people around me that don't bring violence and cruelty into my world. Most days I can't even handle news broadcasts about yet another horror going on in the world.
Life would be so much easier if we all hung on to our childhood innocence. I try to understand but eventually need to retreat. Last night being one of those moments where the world became to much to handle.
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If meltdowns were like hurricanes mine last night was around a category 5. I tried to evacuate but left to late. The waves washed over me and swallowed me whole.
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It took time for my rescuer to reach me and even longer to pull me out. Without him I would most likely still be lost.
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I am one of the lucky few. I have an amazing husband who is willing to sit by my side and be what I need. He sees my meltdowns for what they are. When I lash he knows it's not me speaking. It's just my way of protecting myself in such a vulnerable place.
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When my meltdowns subsidie he helps make sense of everything that was said and felt. Without him I don't believe I would still be here. My perception of myself is often negative but my husband always sees the true beauty buried deep under the surface.
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This is Me - Jeni Dern
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Be You - Find your strength to keep fighting.
Have you ever thought about the meaning of life? Did you find the answer that fits for you?
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For me it's rather simple. We are meant to make this world a better place for future generations. If I am not living a life of love I am absolutely miserable. I don't understand how anyone can purposefully go around hurting others. What joy can that possibly bring anyone?
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When I have a meltdown or am just in crisis mode I know that it is my bodies way of telling me that something in my life isn't right. Lately my body has been forcing me to meet my sensory needs.
My past meltdowns were due to the fact that I refused to speak to anyone other than my immediate family. To be happy I need to be apart of something bigger but I was too afraid. I couldn't handle any more judgement from people who didn't truly know me.
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I am truly living again because I learned to address my needs and shake of negativity. It hurts when those I love are in pain. I see them but sometimes our pain runs too deep for anyone to reach. For now I will be their shoulder to cry on and an understanding ear.
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Remember to always listen to your body. Most of us have been broken down so many times that it is hard to believe in ourselves. You can have the life of your dreams. You are an amazing person. You just need to dispose of all the negative thoughts others planted in your mind. Live a life of love. Share kindness. Be an understanding ear.
Be You...the true beautiful you.
This is Me - Jeni Dern
