When I was diagnosed I seriously questioned if I should leave my wife. Not because I didn’t love her but because of personal ethics.
The truth is my wife didn’t really know me, not the real me, but only the masked me. I began feeling these overwhelming emotions, which were so intense. After 12 years together she was about to meet the authentic me.
The problem was I genuinely felt I had married her but she wasn’t really aware of me. How do you process that, knowing that the person you love may not be able to cope with who you are. That you may lose them because you aren’t who they thought you were. Thankfully that didn’t happen and she was very accepting.
Unmasking isn’t just allowing people to see you, but actually shutting the door, closing off the inaccurate self. It’s painful and emotional, because although you’re not overriding your instincts you’re definitely fighting against them.
Unfortunately I woke from a PTSD episode yesterday (after only an hour of sleep). I have a few things I want to check on, including something big I have planned for the 4th of April. I need to ensure everything can and will go to plan so I want to keep it to myself and I will create a post about it then. If everything goes to plan I think it will really help bring a lot of hope.
Having considered everything I have decided I am going to take a break from posting, because it’s bringing up too many traumatic memories. I will aim to be back posting roughly early to middle of next week. This will give me time to settle a but and also focus on other areas of the campaign for a few days.
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All the best
Words – Ross A Fraser
Graphic Design App – @Canva