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Scripted Memories

Being in Inverness is bringing a lot of things up to the surface. A lot of memories of a good friend, Doc (rest in peace), someone who was protective of me, especially when things went wrong. There are also a handful of other people and relationships … and I just feel sad. The people and relationships I am referring to did mean a lot to me. This is where I struggle, I wanted them to be stronger relationships. I never dismiss people that were in my life before my diagnosis. It’s just that I learned something when my friend taught me how to communicate last year. That probably from when I masked aged 4, until I unmasked completely last year, all my responses in conversation, every one was scripted. It was lines from TV, radio, music, films... my voice but the words were never my own. I had a long term friendship with about a handful of people who I still really admire and respect but I never got to talk to them. I didn’t get to be me with them because I was still too frightened that I was hiding away in my head. It’s strange knowing you’ve talked to someone for hours but the real you didn’t get to say a single word, consciousness often asking, why did I just say that? I didn’t have real conversations before last year and unfortunately that means with the people that I had in my life. They got to meet the real me last year at the same time as I did. All the best Ross Words – Ross A Fraser Graphic Design App – Canva #NewLifeAutistic

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Ross A Fraser
Ross A Fraser
May 29, 2022

I didn't get to have real conversations because I only had a finite number of responses I was able to give.

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