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Not Joking?

I used to love humour but I don’t know how to feel about it any more. It used to be a way to bring me back on the dark days, find a smile when there just wasn’t one to be found.

Skip forward to last year and finding out how humour can be used, that words (and emojis) have invisible strings tied to them. I was honestly devastated because humour had become my coping strategy. The worst thing is I don’t understand what these words even are.

Mostly it does seem to come down to sexual jokes. As someone that doesn’t see a body as sexual without a mental connection, how do I know what’s sexual to someone else? Does that mean I can’t reference ears or feet in a joke; this is a genuine question?

I also don’t get how referencing something makes it about that. The image in this post references boobs, but as a word. The joke isn’t about that or bodies. The joke is about wording, communication and viewpoints. This makes joking seem almost dangerous to me, that my words will always be judged by not my way of thinking but others: a way of thinking that I don’t understand or comprehend but some how still have to navigate my way around.

If referencing something can be considered offensive for just having that reference, how do people have conversations.

Do people have conversations?

I put out the ‘just a laugh’ posts because I was trying to find a way to just be me without worrying about humour. I was someone who always thought jokes were simple. Real life, often pushed to the realm of the ridiculous but designed to make someone feel good and laugh.

If that’s not what humour is, I am not sure if I should even be using it any more. Because, apart from anything else, it seems really strange at 43 to be checking with my Mum if a joke is offensive or not. If I know clearly that it’s an offensive joke or comment, I wouldn’t say it, that’s not who I am. So it feels almost unobtainable to joke now without fear. Shame... humour was one of the social constructs I liked.

All my best and love


Words – Ross A Fraser

Graphic Design App – Canva

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1 Comment

Ross A Fraser
Ross A Fraser
Jun 23, 2022

Finding out jokes could be offensive without being clear, that wasn’t funny.

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