Fatherhood was the gift I never knew I wanted. Because of my life, the fact my relationship with my wife continued was really frightening at times. I really felt like I had no clue how to be a husband, and that did really worry me. I was so scared that I would somehow drive her away eventually. When she told me she loved me, for a long time the question “Why?” came into my head. I even asked for a few times but I don’t think she realised I was being serious. I do know now she does love me, but it took about 12 years to actually sink in.
I always knew my wife wanted children but I guess I didn’t think about it. Well to be honest I actively shut out the thought. I didn’t feel prepared for marriage so the idea of being a father was overwhelming. To be honest I thought I’d be a failure, being a good dad didn’t even cross my mind. That becoming a parent would mean I would not only lose my wife, but my child one day too.
I am so glad I was wrong; my wife and daughter are my world. They gave me hope, inspiration, love and a desire to have as many memories with them as I can. They have brought so much joy to my life, and are the reason I keep going everyday. I don’t ever regret marrying my wife or becoming a dad, not for a second. I didn’t know I could have it, but it truly feels amazing. I know they love me and before them I didn’t know it was possible to feel love as deeply as I do. A need to simply have them around and to know I’m so much happier for just having that. My life has definitely not been an easy one but I do feel lucky and that’s the truth. For all the dark and lonely days behind me, I can look at them and think, it was incredibly tough but I found you. My family, who really do love me for me, without hesitation, my biggest and best gift ever.
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All the best
Words – Ross A Fraser
Imagery – Ross A Fraser
Graphic Design App – Canva