I wanted to represent the community because my life is one of contrasts and extremes. I don’t have a constant, the world and my pain impacts me too much.
These photos in this image were taken 2 days apart, but I will follow up with 6 photos at the bottom. They were taken today over a 6 hour period, an hour between each one. This is what happens if my instincts take more control over my mind than my conscious side has. I do everything possible to ensure that doesn’t happen (as do my friends and family). I have to control my environment incredibly carefully and find hope and positives anywhere I can to stop my head from going into a negative place.
Then I get to fight for the community.
If have access to my mind, I can think very clearly, process information and can use my voice. If I don’t, I shut down, I can’t process information, focus senses or often even speak. My instinctual side becoming too protective or defensive at any point can result in it taking over.
Every day is a constant pendulum swing between these two situations. In a negative place just sending even a 5 word message to a friend is incredibly challenging. I try to keep a balance as much as possible without painkillers because going back on medication means being like I am in the picture on the right every single day. When you see me in a photo/video/live it is just a moment in time, an hour later I could be completely different.
If autism is my super power then the world can be full of kryptonite.
The reason I think the world disables an autistic person is because it can impact instinctual response. It certainly does with me.
My mind is highly precise, I’ve realised that recently, but unfortunately that means it requires a much more precise world than the one we have.
That’s on me, my family and friends and it takes a hell of a lot to create. An endless battle for control of your own mind, that’s what this world can be for an autistic person.
All the best
Words – Ross A Fraser
Graphic Design App – Canva