I wanted to end this week with an image that shows the impact of going to Aberdeen. Being in the city, surrounded by people and noise.
When I returned home I was so reactive that I ended up giving myself a black eye. It wasn’t caused by a meltdown but by a sensory trigger. My wife accidentally dropped the tin opener on the wooden floor in the kitchen. I was standing a few feet away, however the sound was so intense at that moment. My hands were already clenched so when my arm reacted to the sound my hand shot up to my face. The result was that my knuckle caught me in the corner of the eye, giving myself a black eye. I’m housebound because of pain and limited mobility. That was probably one of only a handful of times I will go out this year.
I have often wondered if I wasn’t housebound could I do this. Or would daily interactions just be far too much to function without masking. I suspect that is precisely why I couldn’t unmask, remaining masked from 4 to 42. Almost 4 decades of not getting to be who I am.
I hope the rest of the week and weekend is a positive one. Take care of yourselves and your mind and I will see you all next week.
All our best and love
Ross Fraser and Jeni Curtis
Mylifeautistic
Words – Ross Fraser
Graphic Design App – Canva
I thought it was important to show this photo. This was taken the next day after the trip to Aberdeen. My migraine finally settled yesterday. I was using my tools, my glasses and earbuds, my coping strategies and it was too much. Imagine how much of a negative impact it would have had if I didn't have my coping strategies, my tools. Being unmasked means that I get to be me, but I have no mental buffer any more so I feel it all. Mentally I always have (coping by dissociation, not a conscious choice) the difference is it can now be seen, very clearly through external appearance now too.