It's been a tough week I must admit. I am used to withdrawing in the toughest moments, but being housebound it's too easy to feel isolated. A feeling I'm far too used to. That's why I thought I'd post this time.
I knew writing about the abuse I went through at school would trigger PTSD episodes. It was too traumatic over too long a period not to. Today is about the 9th or 10th day in a row. It's been incredibly tough, waking with my bed soaked in sweat every time I try to sleep.
Today marks 16 years since I damaged my spine, this morning was pretty hellish. A lifetime of pain bubbling up to the surface.
To top it off my wife and daughter are away on holiday from the 10th-14th of July. I can't travel due to mobility and pain so unfortunately I can't go with them. I want them to both go and have a great time. I just worry about coping when they are away, especially when my hands and arms can be very reactive when I am this stressed.
I do talk about these things but usually after the fact. When I've found a way to settle again. Not knowing how to communicate with others until a couple of years ago meant that I was always alone in these moments. Unable to reach out or explain, that's why I haven't done this a lot in the past.
All my best and love