My world was surrounded by darkness for far to long. It had become my "normal". When something good came along it created a panic because happiness never lasted long. My mind constantly raced trying to figure out how to make life better. Every attempt failed and each failure added to my self hatred. It had to be my fault. I wasn't trying hard enough or showing enough interest in his likes. Maybe my love wasn't good. Maybe what I perceived as love was something evil and demonic. This past year has brought me to the lowest low I could imagine. There was a point where I really didn't think I would survive. In my mind I believed I was always destined for failure. I was just waiting for my family to see me for the evil thing I really was and turn their backs on me like everyone else. I was lost for far to long. Suddenly without notice everything changed and I really saw myself. I don't think I have felt this strong since I was a little girl. What I want is obtainable. My heart is full of love. I am a good person. I spent my life fearing everything and now I feel like anything is possible. I am no longer afraid to take chances. All those "what ifs" have been replaced by "Why not tries". Think about it this way. Everything in life has required failures to perfect. You don't learn without making mistakes. I've sure made my fair share of those. Somehow I feel like those mistakes lead me to this point in life and things are about to start looking up. As Ross always says, be kind to your mind. You are not alone. If you need someone to talk to please reach out. Life gets busy but I try to respond when I can. This is Me - Jeni Dern Be You - make mistakes and find your perfection
Kintsugi is a reminder to stay optimistic when things fall apart and to celebrate the flaws and missteps of life. This ancient Japanese philosophy helps us accept our flaws. Thanks to my mother this has become my new motto in life.