Hate Speech

I know the exact point that anger became too intense. I’m not going to go into that particular memory. However, what I will say is that it gives me a disadvantage. Anger becomes silence externally, but internally I’m battling a raging inferno. I have to avoid situations that make me angry because I can’t function until it’s passed. I can shut down completely, to the point my wife has to tell me when to go to bed, and reassure me she’ll be there when I wake.

If someone said something about me that was not true, my silence was perceived as an omission of guilt. When in actuality I was consciously trapped by an emotion that became too strong. Tied into a protective instinct to survive. I’m not violent, it’s a personal choice. I know I can have access to a lot of physical strength and I could probably hurt someone really badly if I unleashed my anger. That’s why I don’t, why I shut down, because it was the only way to trap it. To stop the collective agony of my past from hurting me or others.

Hate has no place in this world, and words matter, but intent matters more. There are two words directed at our community that are derogatory and highly disrespectful. We often hear of people hearing them on a daily basis, that makes me angry. I can’t write them in the post, or it wouldn’t be shared to groups. What I can do is say one starts with R, ends in D, and the other SP and ends in c. These words are antiquated, and have no place in an accepting world, the one a lot of people are trying to build. These words are vile to hear and should be left in the past. That is why we are working with the Scottish government to get both words categorised as hate speech, under the Hate Crime and Public Order Bill Scotland (2021). This is something that I brought to their attention last year, and a bill related to hate speech is currently in discussion in the UK parliament. We hope that by the time the discussion is over, both words are banned legally.

All our best and love

Ross Fraser and Jeni Dern

www.mylifeautistic.com

Words – Ross A Fraser

Design App – Canva

#NewLifeAutistic

#mentalhealthadvocate #together #community #actuallyautistic #autismacceptance

Stuck

I yearn for me from the yesterday’s long departed. The one I could have been, if I’d been true to me, when I was younger. Before the words and experiences I had, that stole the years away. I would shelter from the rumours and distortion of personal identity. That’s where I find me when I look back, hidden away, but I wanted to retain the person I saw in me.

I loved art, school actually put me off it and my personal interests for years. I was really happy creating. I still am actually, but often it’s fuelled by pain, that wasn’t always the case. I learn best through personal experience but I lack them. To get access to society I had to pave my own way and it took decades. Find the strength out of sorrows.

I have been called naive, many times ... I guess I am. I do lack a lot of experiences that are considered commonplace for other people. I learned to communicate and express myself, but I lost a lot of days getting there.

I wanted to explore the world, fill my head with the beauty of the natural wonders. I wanted a life that I unfortunately I lost to pain. I found a different one, a life I’m grateful to have. I think it’s a miracle to be honest, that I found the right people in my life. That my wife and friends stood by my side through it all. I lost the potential of who I could have become. That’s the sad truth, but, part of me hopes that I still have time to find out, at least in part, who I would have been. That the tomorrow’s still to come have positives to offer. That getting access to the world and people, to the use of my own will and voice, didn’t come too late.

I’m sure this is a familiar feeling for late diagnosed adults. Has too much time passed, masked or hidden?

Can I still grow, and bloom, or did the seed in the soil sit, too long in the darkness.

All our best and love

Ross Fraser and Jeni Dern

www.mylifeautistic.com

Words – Ross A Fraser

Design App – Canva

#NewLifeAutistic

#mentalhealthadvocate #together #community #actuallyautistic #autismacceptance

Faith

Some of my early posts were about reflection. No, not your reflection in a mirror but the ability to look inwards and find understanding. This is something I learned to do at a very young age because of the life I lived.

I have dealt with pain all my life but there were people around me that assumed I was just making it up. Then there are my "high emotions" as my daughter likes to call them. Not many people accepted this part of me either. Once again it was something that needed to change but the only way I knew how was to shut down.

I've known since I was a child what I wanted to do. It's very simple, I wanted to help people by sharing love. Even when I was lost for years this desire was still a part of me.

Since I didn't know how or who I could help, I watched and observed others. Some times I would offer a shoulder to cry on or slight guidance but mostly I would just reflect upon what I saw. I guess I was just building up to this moment in my life.

Now for a bit of information that most of you don't know about me. I come from a Christian family and truly believe that any good I have or will do is only possible because of God.

So many times in my life I should have died. The things I've experienced alone have caused so much pain that I truly don't know how I found the strength to continue on. That's the thing right there. Alone I could not have survived, with him I can. He can take every moment in my life and use it for good. That is my goal and greatest desire in life. To let Jesus take the wheel and bring joy to others lives. I can ask for nothing greater than to use my life to help others find a way to live happily and humbly.

To all those that have followed my journey this far I want to say thank you for your support and comfort. For all those just joining us I want to say thank you, I hope we are able to help you through your own journey.

This is Me - Jeni Dern

Be You - be a blessing in others lives.